the abominable orcman

so i kind of flew over the landscape on my way to tarren mill, looking for something interesting, when i spotted what looked like a mine in the hills above. interested in mining its goodness, i headed on up the hill and noticed a few ogres in the distance who were quite a few levels above me. a bit TOO well protected from my flavoursome axe of doom.

so i headed round a sneaky bend where i found some lions and a few stray humies in need of their bits sliced and diced.

i taught them all manner of my favourite new cheffing techniques, including one i like to call the double-triple-inside-out-quadruple-chop-with-flourish.

brilliant stuff.

cheerful, yet a bit disappointed at killing animals yet again, i wandered off toward the mine. along the way i saw a stray lion who looked a bit starved so decided to put it out of its misery with a few well-timed swings of the ol' axe.

as i was gleefully spilling lionblood, i noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye. i tried to get a good look but between the lion clawing away at me (ungrateful wretch - couldn't it see i was doing it a favour?), and the distance, i couldn't quite make out what it was.

but it DID look killable, i was pretty sure of that.

i soldiered on up and found a small canyon leading into a snowy part.

and there.

what was that? movement?

i looked closer, peering through the snowy haze. and i saw it!

i swear it was there - i'm not making this up!

i stepped up closer. i grinned and couldn't believe my orcy eyes. yes, it was true! all those stories were true! the yeti really DOES exist, and here it is! see? there! right between the two hills! i still can't believe my eyes!

what? well, lucky for us i took the cynical nature of my audience into consideration and did the only logical thing i could do to get further proof of the yeti's existence.

that is, i charged it, slit it up the middle, and took photos of it.

and here, in delightful colour, is the undeniable proof that the yeti exists. see? i even took a photo of its feet. and they're pretty big, aren't they?

i looked around for someone to show this corpse off to but couldn't see anyone around, but i DID see something else worth seeing.

more yetis.

dozens of them.

maybe hundreds - in all the excitement i couldn't count.

i charged.

and charged.

you see, when meeting new species, i am always aware of my obligations to the horde, and to promoting a civilised meeting of minds. teaching capitalism to such primitive monsters is no easy task, i'm telling you.

yes, you heard me. i was teaching them the basics of capitalist theory.

that is, i owned them.

all of them.

every single frosty one.

ahhhh - such bliss!