just when i was getting to the good bit

so there i was - standing around in orgrimmar and wasting time watching one of my fellow guildies bounce around a bit. so i threw him a raspberry and soldiered into the bank for a bit of a browse of my stash.

whereupon i was politely informed i had better up a few levels or be ejected from the guild for misbehaviour.

well.

dang.

not really believing a word of this, i nonetheless fastened onto any reason to go out and kill stuff no matter how feeble the excuse. so i went hunting.

first i fell into a cave or burial place of some kind and began killing elves. what the hell - they die funny. then i got bored of getting lost in there so went for a walk down the road where i found some demons of varying fun factors, including some who kept pushing me on my butt, some which kissed my butt and died quickly and a few demonettes who tried to hypnoray me with their magnificent butts.

defying the hypno sex rays of these foul vixens from hell, i warred ever onward until i came to another big rock demon or whatever they're called. who cares? they're just like betty and barney when i'm finished with 'em - a bunch of rubbles.

okay, okay. bad joke. so sue me. or my manager.

if i have one.

no, scratch that, sue bill gates for giving me a forum.

anyway. i was about to smash this one's rocky butt when my isp had a meltdown. screaming and crying (the universe is against me as my offline life will attest), i waited ten minutes for them to fix things up then waltzed back in to retrieve my corpse. fortunately, i had slaughtered the very thing i'd gone in to slaughter and was standing about waiting for me to come back and get on with it.

which i did.

i was zooming through these demons and their stupid two levels above my feeble 28, when i was politely informed by the server that it would be going down in ten minutes.

argh!

squealing with rage, i halted at the mouth of a canyon of some description which just promised to be full of demons in dire need of some dastardly demon-butt-kicking axe-chopping smiting of doom at my able green fists, and began the process of summoning myself back to orgrimmar to meet with the guildies before leaving for the night, whereupon i was politely awarded a guild tabard - without ceremony despite the leaky bit in the side of my eye (which is only there thanks to some offline shenanigans).

suitably touched, i will now wear this tabard with pride as i, the iron mascot of the iron fist, wade hipdeep in the blood of my foes, totally and unreservedly confidant that no matter how messy things may seem - no matter how much blood, bone, slime or ichor is dripping onto me, that my armour will be kept clean by this maroon rag i'm now sporting about me like a butcher's apron.

brilliant.

absosmurfly brilliant.

i'm so proud.

now, if only the girl of my dreams could witness my achievement, then i'm sure she'd no doubt dump the stupid idiot who so thinks of her as a piece of meat and run squealing to my side - the ork who'd split the skulls of millions in her name.

and that, my friends, is what true love is all about.